I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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