every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if only i could text you this smell
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
