Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
