yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think i have two assholes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
