I think I am morally bankrupt
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
