I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
