i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
