he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
