You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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