He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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