She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
