My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
two words...techno handjob
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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