the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize