This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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