I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
