Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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