He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
