My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
