Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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