I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
