We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
