There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
