Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
