Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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