foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
