Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
