i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
