It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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