his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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