You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
