I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
