I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
