So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
