I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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