I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
