Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
