just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
