Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A bitchslap is in order.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
