I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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