Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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