Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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