i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
