Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
