PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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