yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
