her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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