This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
