i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
