John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
