Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
