put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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