im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
