ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
