Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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