lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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