he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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