I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
