nut hugger
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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