I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
