EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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