I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
