Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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