I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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