girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
