We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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