i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
