This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
