I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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