I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
