tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
