I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
