my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
