Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
