I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
