I need help removing her.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
