if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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