PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
