I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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