Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
