here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
