shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just had sex on a roof
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
