Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
