maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
