I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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