she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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